What I was thinking when I was in the pool

After going through all the incidents related to my relations to Daisy, I wanted to refresh myself. I relax in my solitude on the pool, for my one dream of being with Daisy has been broken by Tom Buchanan. I am living not only in my past but in my dream. I know that my conscious is refusing to face my reality. My dream world makes it easier than facing my cruel reality because Daisy cannot be mine. This reality is too hard for me to bear. Since she came into my life, I’m no longer had a life of my own. I changed my whole life for her. I had become this man that I was no longer recognized. Throwing parties with people that I didn't know and making myself out to be an important man. I believed that by obtaining this wealthy man status, she would be more approving of me because that was the only thing standing in the way then. 

If I could just start all over again and wake up from this reality that would really be my dream come true. I wanted her so bad that I became this person for her. I wanted to recover that love that we once shared. My only desire is to have Daisy love me once more. I just threw away my whole life.